Dealing with Guys Night.

CASE STUDY 2: “Guys night and You!”

On one of several occasions now my friend has informed me that her man, if you can call him that, has gone out to boys night and one of the guys has brought his female friend along. She has mentioned her distaste for this friend as well as her boyfriends supposed distaste for her, and her concerns about the situation. I have had zero experience with this situation mostly because as a sane woman, I often was the girl who got to go out on boys night much to the she-grin of my friends girlfriends.

When Princess initially approached me with this problem I failed to see quite where her upset was coming from. As she told it, once her toad,(which will not turn into a handsome Prince by the way) entered the vehicle with his friends and he realized this girl was in the car. Having half a brain, he neglected to call her immediately and provide her with this information, since he knew Princess would lose her shit. She then told me that he didn’t tell her till after because he knew she would get mad. I then asked her if she would be mad and this was her response – “ well, ya, I mean if they could bring girls I wanted him to bring me. I mean why wouldn’t I want to go too?”. Much like many of you, I laughed. But, being me, I had to drag this craziness out only since Princess is so encourage-able it’s funny. “ So what dude, You wanted to have him stop the car and tell his friends ‘ hey if she’s coming I want Princess to come too! Let’s go pick her up’?” I would like to state I was being ridiculous but no, Princess took the bait. “ Well ya!” … “Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha” FUCK. First of all, picture any man you know stopping a car full of his male buddies on their way to guys night out, and telling them to go get their girlfriend. If you haven’t peed yourself or at least giggled at that statement, you’re fucking crazy, or Princess. MEN DON’T DO THAT. I tried then to explain to Princess that the guy who brought this girl sees her as a friend and more than likely just felt she’d be cool company. Princess rejected that conclusion thinking it was insane on the face of it. Then she proceeded to freak out at me like I was telling her to drown a small child.

Then, She did something a lot of my female friends have been doing lately that makes me bat-shit fucking inane, she compared him to Mancandy. I LOATHE when my friends do this because Mancandy has a brain and doesn’t do all the stupid things their male counterparts do. Also, we happen to trust each other and lack a lot of the dysfunction of other twenty something couples. She then says, “ well what if Mancandy went out and they brought some other girl? Wouldn’t you be upset?” … “ um…no? its his night he can do what he wants. And I think I know what girl would end up going and none of them can stand her and he often relays his aggravation to me via text which is pretty funny.”… “ WELL WHAT IF HE DID?” I was really starting to get irate with her at this juncture, but decided to be the adult. “ Look dipshit, what you’re asking me is like asking me to in vision being flat chested. I literally CANNOT conceive of what you are saying to me. You’re assuming I give a fuck who comes to his guys night. He could invite the pope for all I care!...Actually that could be cool and I’d wana see that shit, but aside from that I don’t see an issue”.

Princess was really not hopping on board and it was starting to make me laugh. When I laugh at her in these situations, her voice becomes high pitched and whiney and makes you want to smack her with the broad end of a beaver. I’m a Canadian, we beat each other with livestock. It happens. Anyways, I decided to push further with my insane query’s, “So what, you think she’s going to hit on the toad?”… “ well, ya”… “ HAHAHA! Dude TRUST ME, as someone else with female genitals, nobody wants to sleep with the toad. I’ve seen him, and I’ve seen his friends. I’d hit on them and every other man at the bar before I hit on the toad”. Princess hates it when I suggest her sexual partner is unattractive. Its cruel but it’s true. Even he knows he’s ugly. Once when I was on the phone with her and she informed me they were getting ready to go out I heard him say in the background “ Hey! I don’t look half ugly!”….I almost peed my pants. I’m sorry, but if you are seeing someone and they don’t even find themselves attractive, you’re in trouble. And in this situation, have no need to worry about most likely homely looking girls hitting on your toad.

But regardless, this was the root of her concern. I then tried to explain to her that if she kept saying insane shit like that to him, he would most certainly consider leaving her. This sent her even more into a state of chaos. I eventually convinced her to cam the fuck down but recently she texted me again telling me that he had again gone out, bought drugs, and this girl had attended. Frankly, if I had this guys life I’d want to alter my state of mind too, but this was lost on Princess. Anyways, after chilling out and getting mad she forgot she was mad. I think at this point she was starting to see that you can put as much makeup on a pig as you want, its still a pig. She could yell at toad about his behavior over and over, but he wouldn’t change. I was semi proud. And considering this is a couple who fights weekly, this was a shock to me and all other bystanders of this relationship. My theory is that toad gave her a special brownie to get her to chill, but I wouldn’t dare voice these concerns. Princess is fully capable of putting me in a full nelson and killing me. Having people like this around is the reason my life is NOT together.