I knew that our trip was going to be excellent, simply because it involved both Mancandy and myself. We're excellent, and we tend to radiate that into our current surroundings. But, the second I knew this trip was going to be awesome was when Mancandy and I entered the aircraft and got into our seats. Mancandy is freakishly tall and requested that we be in an exit row, I had gotten distracted talking to my pregnant girlfriend and did not actually book the seats till 10pm, so I had guessed at which row on the wing was the exit row - I was WRONG. The second his massive vessel got into its seat I could see we had a problem, however, I proceeded to laugh anyways just because watching something that big crammed into that tiny seat was truly hilarious. I decided to text Platypus about our predicament since I knew she too would find it humorous. She agreed. Then, Mancandy did something that is very typical of him, he pointed out the asian woman standing in the row of asians in the isle... the only way I can express what I was seeing is literally THE most exuberant person to ever enter an aircraft. The smile on her face looked like something that could easily cause small children to have nightmares. I stopped mid text and proceeded to laugh hysterically. I was convulsing in my window seat and desperately concerned about how inappropriate it would be to take a picture .... This is the text message I then sent to Platypus ... " We're on aircraft. Mancandy doesn't fit. It's pretty entertaining. Also, there's and uncomfortable abundance of Asians". Platypus was with my Nana, who being a world war 2 survivor, does not enjoy asians, and apparently agreed with my concern about that number of asian airplane goers. Seriously, if you did not know the planes destination, you'd swear it was somewhere over the pacific. Mancandy eventually calmed me down and we proceeded to play scrabble for the duration of the flight. Upon decent, this asian baby started to scream violently.I LOATHE the sound of babies screaming. It causes an extreme anxiety in my person and I imagine its the same violentesque feeling that someone like Charles Manson might experience. Nothing on earth aggravates me more. I looked over to see this child in the most distressed position I had ever witnessed a youngster in. It was as if he just realized his mother was asian and there was a possibility he would grow up to eat pussycat. He was displeased. Frankly, I would be too if Platypus and Popsicle were of asian decent.
Upon our arrival in Vancouver, I was deeply stoked for Popsicle and Mancandy to meet. Mostly because I knew exactly what was going to happen, Popsicle would go to shake his hand and look up and down and the Sasquatch I had brought with me. I love watch people interact with Mancandy, mostly since it seems like they are trying the whole time to decide if he's going to kill them or not. A guy recently bumped into him in a crowded bar and was so terrified that Mancandy was some sort of thug with a gun ready to pop a cap in his ass. I laughed. Seriously, dating someone that massive is like a free pass to do whatever the hell you want with almost no consequences. Its like having personal security. Anyways, back to Popsicle and Mancandy.
Popsicle has driven his rented Mini Cooper to come get us since his car had an unfortunate run in with an immigrant a few weeks prior. To say Popsicle was enjoying his Mini was an understatement. He expressed a vigor for it similar to the one with which Angelina Jolie feels towards foreign children. Upon getting in the car, Popsicle informed us it was alot like driving a really expensive go kart. Why anyone would want to do that on a constant basis, is beyond me but seemed to enthrall the crap out of my father, so I let it slide. Upon reaching the downtown core, Popsicle explained to Mancandy and I that there was a button in the car he had not figured out how to work yet. Popsicle has these moments where he is impossibly straight, and absolutely NEEDS to figure out every single inch of the car. So, naturally, the best time for such endeavors is during traffic.
Mancandy and Popsicle proceeded to fiddle with buttons and switches until Mancandy stumbled upon these pen size lights on the roof that would change to rainbow colors when the button was pressed. Yes, its true, the Mini Cooper gets gayer. Not only did these mini lights not have a SINGLE useful function, other than providing our go-kart with ambient lighting should we decide to rave, but they AMAZED Popsicle. He proceeded to then drive while fiddling with the lights and half assedly looking at the road. Not only was he distracted, but he was driving in a location with an abundance of immigrant drivers....not a sick combo as my sibling would say. Eventually, I convinced him I was in fear for my safety and that I was not ready to die in a car with rave equipped lighting. This was not the 70's. When we finally arrived home and got settled, Despite my fear that Mancandy would not fit into the elevator, I felt all the recent excitement called for me to promptly pass out. I needed sleep if I was going to psyc myself up for what I'm sure would be an intense trip.
Upon awaking the next morning, I decided to take a gander out the window at my surroundings. Much to my despair, ( i hate big men with little dogs) I saw a large man walking a douchey little white lap dog down the street. I thought nothing of it till the man reached the cross walk and started to cross, when his dog, clearly not the sharpest ball in the bunch, continued to walk at his parallel. How did this imbecile handle it?? He simply picked up his dust rag of a dog and set it on the crosswalk in a more pleasing trajectory. I then proceeded to pee my pants laughing which woke Mancandy, and I explained to him the insanity I had witnessed. Only with Mancandy could I manage to laugh so hard at 8 in the morning.....I could tell things were going to be interesting. Since, as long as people who need to correct their dogs trajectory exist, my life is NOT together.
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