The Coaches.

So, For those not already aware, My man friend or as I so lovingly refer to him, Mancandy, Is huge. He is 6 foot 5 and has muscles like the Hulk. He is built to pay football. He played 3 years in High School and was incredibly skilled at it and as such, was scouted out and harassed by every head coach in the country as a result. Another great thing about this is that I find football to be the most sexual sport ever devised. Its men in tight shorts trying to slam the crap out of each other, what part of that is not incredibly erotic to you? Ya. Exactly. Any who, This was not a shock to me, only since he's incredibly talented. What did shock me however was the manner in which these middle aged married men approached my prize.

The only way I can describe it is in a fashion similar to how 13 year old boys feel when they ask a 13 year old girl out on a date for the first time. They are impossibly nervous, shower them in unnecessary compliments, and talk as if they are about to ejaculate any second. Not my scene, and probably why I didn't start dating till I was 15. Regardless, This is what these men were doing to my guy, and I found it fascinating. What I additionally found fascinating was that these men developed crushes on these players. I have read many a letter written to Mancandy demanding that he play for so and so, written at various points during the year and often followed with, " CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN THE FALL!". One card I found in his stack of letter, yes he has hung on to the stack of fan mail, included a stick of Extra gum and a note saying " We'll go the extra mile for you!". At this point, I vomited a little. It had become rapidly apparent that these men were going to continue to be a part of Mancandys life, and thus I was going to have to deal with middle aged coaches falling all over themselves. If this wasn't so oddly erotic to me, I would have been pissed. Also, his perfectly sculpted ass would look delightful in a pair of skin tight shorts, and I could not pass up a chance to stare at that. It would have been just plain not right. Mancandy and I are a team, and you must support your team mates. This is what I had learned in watching 12 straight hours of Friday Night Lights. I love football players, if the reader hasn't already realized that, their retarded.

My most recent brush with these vultures had come a week ago when Mancandy informed me that he has received several phone calls from a recruiter. When I inquired as to what his definition of several meant he informed me it was 3..in a row. At this point, I hope you all see my likeness of these men to 13 year olds with a crush on a reallly hot senior they want to got to the prom with. This was crazy behavior. This is why god invented voicemail. It was my first real interaction with large scale formal sporting situations, and I was a little terrified/excited. At this point I decided not to get ahead of my team mate, and be supportive. I decided to put the beautiful images of him in a uniform on hold and offer my support. I quizzed him on his desire to play again and what the man had said, yada yada yada, all questions I managed to come up with while googling the team who desired him to see what color shorts I could be seeing on his shapely rear. He answered my inquires and told me we could speak about it when I saw him. I did not like this answer but decided any over eagerness I exhibited could come off as a touch nuts, so I kept it to myself. Although quite frankly, the way these men spoke to him should have been more of a worry than my harmless little fetish.

When it finallllly came time to see Mancandy, he had informed me that he had spoken with the recruiter, and he agreed to a meeting with the coach of the team who wished to have him. The head coach for that team then called him 5 minutes later, and left a message. The fact that this man was legit sitting by a phone waiting to hear if my man "liked" him really solidified my feelings about these men being teenage girls. Never the less, seeing as I had acquired an interest with middle aged men fawning over Mancandy and his talent, I decided to do something I rarely engage in - Listen to every freaking word that was being said. Because my boyfriend is a genius, he told me he saved the voicemail's these men had left him. The first guy sounded like he was about to pee his pants. The second, this head coach, really was a special person. In a smokers cough type voice, he informed Mancandy's voicemail that he was A) ELATED that he returned his call, B) Freezing cold from practicing outdoors ( not something I would have shared with a potential recruit, but it was his funeral), And C) Upon ending his conversation used the phrase "OVER AND OUT". At this point I looked at Mancandy with my eyes a-glow and informed him he NEEDED to meet a man who used this type of jargon in every day situations and respond appropriately. Phrases such as 10-4, and Copy that would suffice.

At this juncture, I was sidelined from my original thoughts on Mancandy in tight pant garments and refocused on him being in a situation where I may interact with this individual. I love anyone who uses military type phrases in everyday life, and allows me a chance to use all my beloved quotes from Transformers. I convinced Mancandy he must go through with meeting this individual and at least hear what he had to say.

Then today, I received the text message I have been waiting most of my life for...." well, as it stands you're dating a football player :) "....I cannot even being to describe to you my physiological reaction to this statement. The air left my lungs, and my heart began to race, and I began to see stars. This reaction should have killed me. Thankfully, it did not. Dear 13 year old self with braces and cystic acne, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Finally, My life IS together.