1) My sibling has had 4 iPhones in the last 2.5 years.
2) My sibling has broken 4 iPhones in the last 2.5 years.
3) I have had 2 iPhones in the last 2.5 years.
4) I have had one break thanks to my cat Whiteness (that cute face in the paper bag in the photo above).
On this particular occasion, My sibling had smashed the screen of her phone completely while walking to class trying to balance it on her books. (Note :The iPhone is one slippery little thing and has a tendency to fly about when not encased in some sort of protective gear.) My sibling feels that protecting her phone from damage is "un-cool" and refuses to participate in this common cultural phenomenon. On previous trips to retrieve a new phone with my sibling I had made her purchase a case like mine (the best iPhone case ever made) and put it on in front of me so that I could feel confident in her phone ability to go on. She did so, however took it off about a month or so later and broke the phone again. Clearly, her expensive private school education is a complete waste of Popsicles monetary funds because if she hasn't figured out that their breakable by now, she's an idiot.
The next speed-bump in this little adventure was, as always, Popsicles inherently irrational way of trusting my sister not to do anything irresponsible. Additionally, Popsicle sometimes fails to realize how ass backwards his arguments are and refuses to listen to any sane rational individual such as myself. At this juncture, I had explained to Popsicle that my 8Gig iPhone was proving insufficient for my needs. This was an issue I was expecting the previous May when we got iPhones and Popsicle and my sibling explained I wasn't cool enough to need a 16Gig anything and did not have enough of a life to require such adequate space in my device. I told them they were assholes then and did not hesitate to point it out again now.
Me: "Ok Dad, heres the deal, My phone is out of space. My sister, has broken her 4th phone and is requesting a new one. What I suggest you do is get me a new one and give her mine. It's in perfect condition it's just not sufficient for my needs due to all the space the music takes up".
Popsicle" " well then delete some of your songs, there must be some you don't use".
Me: " First of all, they aren't something you "use", its not a pair of shoes. I need them. Thats like me telling you there's too much money in your bank account, get rid of some. Thats stupid".
Popsicle:" You're going to have to find some other way because you can't have a new phone, your phone works fine".
Me: " Are you providing my sibling with a new phone dad?"
Popsicle: " Well yes, she needs a phone hers is broken".
Me: " Wow. Dad. WOW. You do know she's irresponsible and thats why it's broken? Where as I, am highly responsible and am requesting an upgrade for my responsibility. You know, you are teaching her nothing by just giving into the fact that she's a dipshit. She THROWS it Dad! Throws! across a room! I've seen it !! MOM WAS THERE! How does this behavior qualify her for a brand new phone? That illogical dad. Even you have to see how stupid that sounds".
Popsicle: " Well she needs a phone, and it was an accident".
Me: " Dad, accidents aren't foreseeable. A mentally retarded donkey could see that coming. Its stupidity, which is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, hence this situation".
Popsicle:" Well then save up for one".
Me: " THATS NOT THE POINT DAD!!! Are you honestly telling me that my necessity of a device with larger space is a stupid request based on my past responsible behavior, BUT if I was to go out, be a dumb dumb, take it out of its safe surroundings and throw it around while intoxicated that I would currently be receiving a new phone?"
Popsicle: "while if it was broken beyond repair..."
Me: " OH MY GOD DAD DO ARE YOU HEARING YOURSELF TALK RIGHT NOW???"
Popsicle: "Don't get upset, it's not her fault she had an accident"
Me: " THEN WHO'S AT FAULT HERE DAD? BIG FOOT? CASPER THE FRIENDLY IPHONE DESTROYING GHOST? WHO? I'm sick of having to be responsible for being the bad guy here and explaining to my sister that she doesn't deserve a new phone. You're her parent, PARENT HER! she needs to learn!!!"
[Popsicle is laughing at this point, and I explained that I was done speaking with him while he was obviously high on drugs. I then decided to take parenting matters into my own hands. Somebody had to be an adult.]
The next step of this journey involved my sibling,Platypus, and I going to the apple store - on a weekend. As someone who has enjoyed the luxuries of shopping during the work week when stores were pretty vacant, I was not thrilled about being crammed into the apple store with like 80 other people. I do not do good in large crowed areas, its not my scene. On top of that, I had to deal with my sibling and Platypus who when together not only rent a time share in the same brain, but tend to get on my nerves. Separate from each other I can deal with them pretty well, But together they form this hybrid of themselves and It makes me batty. I cannot have a conversation with one, I have to converse with both, and they often take the exact same opposite stance to whatever I wish to be doing. In this case, I wanted a new phone and I was not about to sit idle while my parents royally screwed the pooch on this venture.
Upon gaining access to a stool in the apple store, I set up my camp while the sibling spoke with the geniuses. She then came back and informed Platypus and I that the cost to repair her phone was the same as getting a new phone. ( I to the day maintain that this was not the case and that she just wanted a new phone, but who am I to argue with Steve Jobs and his methods?)
I started to question Platypus as to why I could not have this new phone and why I was being forced to suffer insufficient data space on my device when I had been nothing but a responsible and upstanding member of the iPhone community. She did not share my passion for my case, a plight I should have suspected due to her lack of ability to separate her thoughts and feelings from those of my sister. I then mentioned that the siblings lack of desire to encase her phone in some sort of protective device was the reason for her many many issues, and demanded once again that Platypus take a stand as a parental figure. She declined, and much like with Popsicle, I was really starting to worry about her mental health status. But never the less, I was on a mission and would have to deal with her health issues at a later date.
I should point out that at this point I was incredibly irate, and overwhelmingly hot and not in any condition to have been in public. Additionally, I was surrounded by a gaggle of confused, overweight people and was not terribly impressed with my surroundings. I often find that when the fat are confused, they resemble mentally unstable children trying to outsmart a child proof pill container - sure its sad and kind of cute, but you really want to just go over in a fit of rage and open it for them. In this case, I was damn near running about trying to convince other store patrons that their issue were unimportant and try to force them to join me in my quest for a new phone. On a scale of one to Mel Gibson, I would say I am strongly against dumb people in aggravating circumstances. I was ready to rip my hair out and not enjoying my time at the apple store. Once again, I tried to engage Platypus in a discussion about the pros and cons of iPhone cases, and Why my sibling was insufficiently equipped for a new phone. She began to laugh and then joined my sibling in yelling at me about how I was a complete pain in the ass and that my sibling would in fact be giving up her new phone in exchange for my current one since I seemed to have felt so strongly on the subject. Apparently, this conclusion was reached ten minutes earlier but I was on a tangent and failed to intake the information at all. I tend to get like that when I happen to be incredibly pissed about my circumstances, I will reject any and all input from others that is not " I agree".
All in all we ended up leaving the apple store shortly after, with me being lectured all the way back to the car as to why I was being an asshole, and how my short comings in the arena of patience would undoubtedly result in my dying alone. ( I reject this conclusion entirely only because in what has been 3 months with Mancandy I had been incredibly patient with him. I maintain this is a result of him being constantly upbeat and having a genius level I.Q., and thus, his shit was together and he was consistently on the same page as myself.) All in all though, I did manage to accomplish my goals due to my persistence and my ability to completely lose my cool in large scale public situations involving confused obese individuals. Despite my mission being successful, I'll be the first to admit that my life is NOT together.
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