(And before you all judge me, don't pretend you don't do this. And if you absolutely insist that you don't, you yourself probably are one of these impossibly annoying individuals.)
I encountered "The individual" last year in my third year of business school. He strolled into my 8am class with his small McDicks coffee and I immediately disliked him, his accent, and his face. First of all, McDicks coffee is diarrhea in a cup, NO THANK-YOU. Secondly, the sound of his voice brought out a rage in me that I normally reserve for the sound of small children who scream on long plane rides. When I reach this state of anxiety, something I try hard to avoid due to my stress issues, I feel a lot like I want to punch a gorilla. I want to do something violent and stupid immediately. However, It was 8am and my 5$ Starbucks had not kicked in yet, so I lacked the motivation to do anything about it.
As time passed, I observed this strange individual in what I consider to be my native habitat, A classroom. I tend to excel at any subject that is taught in english and graded, where as, he appeared not to. I quickly noticed that my peers felt similarly about the individual. One such victim was my unfortunately, married friend. The individual had appeared to have developed a crush on my poor friend. I maintain he chose the married one over myself because whenever the individual was in me presence he spoke as if he was so terrified he was about to wet himself, much like a scared puppy. It was this specific trait that made him utterly unlikeable. He also had a delusional tendency of thinking I was his friend, which frankly made me want to shoot myself in the foot. The individual also smelled like a mexican deli, which was even stranger because he was in no way mexican.
How is this all related? well, if you cool your jets, I'll explain.
Today, I was strolling early into my business class when I reached the hallway and heard a familiar and agitating sound that made my blood boil....I looked up from my phone to see....THE INDIVIDUAL. Honestly, I thought I was having a fucking stroke. Concerned, I started smelling the air to see if I could smell burt toast, in hopes that I was in fact having a stroke and that this was not really happening to me. But alas, it was. He informed me that he was in the class, and noted my absence in the first class. The fact he noted my attendance at all made me want to beat an ostrich with a hammer. I was pissed. Not only did I have to sit thought a mind numbing waste of time about international business and cultural diversity, I had to listen to him speak. ( and yes I realize the irony that I am sitting through a class on tolerating other races and I had a strong desire to beat this guy to death with a wrench. I get it, and I am not amused.)
I started to feverishly text my friends to get some sort of hold on the situation, as if there was anything they could do about my misfortunate situation. They offered their condolences, and my married buddy laughed his ass off. I told him he could laugh all he wanted, he was married, and thus his life sucks. ( I hate marriage. I really think its archaic and pointless unless you plan to reproduce. But thats a totally separate story.)
Upon the arrival of my mentally aloof ex boyfriend to the class, I explained the dire straights we had found ourselves in. He pointed out the irony and I wanted to punch him in the junk. He is a complete asshole and was really quite excited to watch the veins pop out of my neck when my anger was directed at someone other than him. Needless to say, much like my interactions with my small cousin and other mentally unstable people, I popped a mood stabilizer and attempted to chill out. Now writing this, I am a little fuzzy on the rest of the details of class, but at one point the individual noted that he worked for immigration. And frankly, if this is true, the government is in for real trouble. In fact, as a Canadian I feel downright jilted, yet another reason why my life is NOT together.
P.s- On another note, Platypus upon hearing this sent me an LOL and then suggested the most nauseating of all statements, " maybe he's into you, you should ask him out." I told Platypus to go jump off a fucking cliff. I did not need her hating on me. I informed Mancandy of this and he suggested we plan an attack.Then suggested Platypus hated him, I told him she likes him fine, It's clearly ME she hates.
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